Insulted

So I'm pumping gas last night. Minding my own business, lost in the thoughts of what I meant to accomplish today, and what's left to finish tomorrow. Out of nowhere, I hear the guy on the other side of the pump say, "hey, congratulations! When's it due?".

What?!? Are you kidding me??? I stare at him incredulously, and feel a serious dose of anger welling up in my spirit. Now here's a guy in serious need of some butt whoopin! And I just happen to have a can. Him??? He's cool as a cucumber, just staring right through me, not one bit afraid.

A split second before I punch his lights out...in Christian love, of course....I hear this voice behind me, obviously female. "Thanks....just about a month to go". I go from extreme anger to hard-to-control hilarity in 2.1 seconds. Hoping my expression hasn't given away EITHER emotion, and wondering if I should apologize to him for almost cleaning his clock (which I now understand wasn't in need of housekeeping or janitorial service), I calmly finish filling my tank and replace my nozzle, exactly as the instructions I'm now studiously reading direct me to do.

I've never realized before this never ending moment how LONG it takes for the stupid gas pump to give you your receipt! It's years! We are now in a honey-molasses state of time continuum. NO, I don't want any of those three choices of car washes!!! Please, can I just have my proof of purchase so I'll have a defense when the policeman pulls me over for driving off without paying? And before this constricted belly laugh forces my face to explode would be nice!

I've finished reading the "what to do in case of fire" directions and have started on the "handicapped access" portion when finally....FINALLY....my receipt makes its way out of the slot, and I'm able to get in the car, and drive home, laughing all the way (why does the phrase "bells on bobtails ring" come to mind at this moment???)

Heading home, I found it's hard to stay safely in your lane when you can't see for laughing. Mr Policeman is going to have an entirely different reason for pulling me over now. Won't that look good on tomorrows front page..."Pregnant Christian Music Promoter Stopped For DUI". Yeah, THAT would be hilarious. :-) Honey, I have something we need to talk about.....